Holding the Hurt

“The pain is still there, isn’t it?” I asked her. “You don’t forget.”

She looked at me like I had grown a second nose.

I dropped the issue.

You see, what she didn’t understand was that I was hurting and I desperately wanted to be understood.

 Infertility.

It affects 15% to 20% of couples wanting to have children. And yet so few people understand the pain that is there – missing someone you’ve never met. Once when someone asked me when we were going to have kids, I answered “Four years ago.” That was about two years ago.

Infertility is lonely. Infertility is grief. How can you grieve someone you've never met? Because, just as when you grieve someone you know and love, you also grieve the loss of the one you've never even had a chance to love.

But God has been healing me. The pain is still there, but God has shown my husband and I that He has another plan for building our family – through the miracle of adoption. The knowledge that someday I will have my own child to hold, nurture and love has brought a start to my healing. I don't plan to be "cured" of my infertility grief. Just as with any other grief, it goes through cycles. Some days I'm ok, other days I'm frustrated, or hurt, or angry. But that's ok. I know with each day that I can pick up and move on.

But I don’t choose to forget my pain – no, I’m not bitter. Infertility is just a part of who I am. I know that God has taken me – us – down this path for a reason, because now they come: Emails “We are going through infertility – I need someone to talk to.” Texts: “My friend is facing infertility. She doesn’t have anyone. Would you mind if she got in contact with you?”

That is why I chose to hold my hurts – like a gift. Because in remembering my hurt I can offer hope to others. How do I know? Because I did find someone who offered friendship, understanding, and hope to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This week is National Infertility Awareness week. If you know someone who is dealing with infertility would you say a prayer for them, and give them a hug? Please know that coming up are some of the hardest holidays for those of us "Mommies in waiting." Mother's Day and Father's Day mark yet another year of not being in those "clubs." If they've been waiting six months or six years, the waiting really never gets any easier... you just get a little more used to it.

And thank you, dear blog friends, for all your support for us over the years. The love you've shown when I've shared my hurts and the support you've given us on our adoption journey. It means so much! 

Raw.

This is a hard post to write. I should be out in the living room... puttering with my Christmas decorations. Getting excited about putting up a tree. But I'm not. I don't even know if I should be typing this. Maybe I won't publish it. I don't know. I've had some hesitancy about Christmas this year. Couldn't really get into the mood or get excited about my favorite time of year.

I'm not ready for it to be Christmas yet. Yes, I know, it comes around faster each year.

but it's not supposed to be here.
not yet.

He (or she) isn't here yet.

How can we have another Christmas without him?

I thought I was upset about one thing, then I thought, No, it's something else. Then when my Pandora station played a song with children singing I realized what really was bothering me. That's when I lost it. That's when I realized why everything else wasn't falling into place.

There are still only two stockings on our mantle. There won't be any toys under the tree for our little one. I lost it. And I don't "loose it" very often. (ok... maybe I loose it more often than I think... but I try not to show it.)

How strange it is to miss someone you've never met. Someone who may not even exist yet. But their absence is felt. I miss his big smile and her beautiful eyes looking up at me.
I try so hard. I try to be the one that lifts everyone else up, tries to fix it all, help everyone feel better. (Hmmm... think maybe I'm an eldest child?) I know we are "paper pregnant," "officially waiting," and it could be "any time." I should be positive and say that it's a  "Time for Joy" and still the "Perfect Christmas" but I'm not feeling all of that now. Not yet.

And I thought. Why try to always help somebody else? Isn't it ok for me to hurt every now and then? Maybe I can get the hurting over with now - enjoy the rest of this festive season. Maybe even be festive myself. Or maybe I need another good cry - me in my red "Christmas-y" shirt and candy cane socks. No, dressing the part isn't really helping me much either.

Don't worry about me. I'll pull myself together! Next time you see my face, I'm sure I'll be wearing a smile. But that smile will be fought for. Joy is something worth fighting for. Even though it's not an "easy" Christmas, I will rise above it. Just as so many of you do in one way or another. We are each fighting our hard battles. But with God's help, we will win them. And we will have joy and a smile. And hope. Because HE came. He came to do something very hard. And HE did it, HE won!

I may have lost my "happy" for a little while, but my JOY isn't something I will let go, and as I hold to the Joy, the hope will follow.

I'm going to hit publish. I want you all to know that I am "real." Somehow, in a strange way, I want someone out there to know that I do hurt too. I know my hurt is so small compared to what so many others are going through, but I won't hide it. Together, let's have a "JOYFUL" Christmas. (And thanks for listening to me...)

October Baby

Mark and I watched October Baby recently. What a wonderful film! I'm not here to give you an in-depth review of the movie - watch it yourself! :) Mostly I just wanted to give you my reaction to it.

***note: post below may contain spoilers!***

I cried.

No, I promise, I'm not one to cry at most movies - in fact, I'm generally a non-crier. But when you bring in adoption... yep, there you might have me!

Within the first few minutes of the movie, you find out that the main character, Hannah, was adopted and she is just finding that out at the age of 19. My reaction in seeing the character's reaction is that "This" is why we want an open adoption. "This" is why we aren't keeping secrets.

As Mark and I sad and watched this movie and cried - we weren't just crying because it was a touching movie. It touched us because we were watching "our daughter." Even though our child will be raised with the knowledge that we became her parents through adoption - there will come a point when that knowledge will make sense to here. All the pieces will fall into place. She will want answers - some answers we won't have - and she will grieve. But in that grieving, we hope she will come to realize that she is treasured and that her life is so precious.

There is so much good in this film, such as the value of every human life. It is inspired by the story of Gianna Jessen, an abortion survivor. Have you seen it? I'd love to hear your reactions to this movie!

****************
This is my last scheduled post on adoption this month. Thank you all for your support and encouragement and for "listening" to my thoughts - random they may be. :) I hope each of you has a very happy Thanksgiving! We have so much to be thankful for!!

To Live With a Purpose

Life is hard. God didn't put us here for everything to be easy. Sometimes things are just hard. Circumstances are hard. Relationships are hard. And sometimes? God asks us to DO hard things.

Adoption for us isn't an easy thing. Because adoption itself is brought about by difficulties, the need for adoption is a hard thing. There is a lot of fear for us - as prospective adoptive parents. We don't know what the circumstances will be surrounding how our little one comes to be a part of our family. But truthfully? We don't know how a lot of "life" will turn out. God doesn't always promise happy endings - or maybe I should say "Happy middles," because for a Christian, "The End" is always happy. Each of us has decisions to make, and sometimes those decisions are hard.

But we are choosing this route not because it is easy. Life isn't about making things as easy as possible. It's about doing the right thing. We want to live our lives with purpose

We want to have a purpose in life. Purpose to love others and not just to seek our won happines. Purpose to  build meaningful relationships, not to just "hang out." We want to care, not just go through life in our own little world - our own little bubble.

We want our children to know that they were born for a purpose - that their life has a plan. And although they may not have a "happy middle," the ultimate goal IS a "Happy Ending." Eternally.

Open Adoption in a Nutshell

I LOVE this!! It's not long at all... please take a minute to watch.



Birth parents have had a bad wrap for a very long time. (You can read last year's post on birth parents here.) The producers of this video have an website dedicated to: "change the perception of adoption through honest, informative, and hopeful communication that conveys the heroism and bravery a birth mother displays when she places her child with a loving family through adoption." 

**************
I know I haven't posted a whole lot this month... get ready because I have a few more posts scheduled for early next week. Thanksgiving is a bit early this year and I wanted to get these posts in before the holiday season really starts ramping up on us! :) 

Waiting is tough...

We are expecting.

No, this isn't an announcement about my physical condition. But, we are expecting. I think that is something hard for those not as close to us to understand. And many times it may seem so strange.We are waiting and it could be any day. We could get a call tomorrow to come and pick up our little one, or it could be a year from now. But we are expecting.

So as any expectant parent, we have been preparing practically. We have drawers full of infant things - bottles, blankets, and clothes. We have a pack-n-play, baby swing, bouncer, changing pad and so many other needed things. Our home is more "baby safe" than most expectant newborns, thanks to the prep work necessary to pass our home study. I've even thought how, maybe, I should park in the "expectant mother" parking spot. (Ok, so I realize that it's to help mothers who's pregnancy is a bit more "physically demanding" then my "paper pregnancy" is for me... but still...) :)

But we haven't just be preparing physically, but emotionally. Our hearts are wide open. I had a close friend tell me a while back that she has seen a change in me - like I am becoming a mother. Of course, as long as we have been waiting to have a child - we have had a lot of time to think through how we want to parent. No way am I naive enough to think that with all of this time to plan, we will be the perfect parents. But I want to use this time of waiting responsibly so that we can be prepared to be the best parents possible!

Adoption - Plan A or Plan B?

Adoption may have been our "Plan B" in building a family, but what if our "Plan B" has been God's "Plan A" all along? I believe that it is!

It seems that so many times life is that way. We think we are going to do one thing or go a certain direction and God may lead us in a total different path - closing some doors and opening others. And isn't it so true that God's way is always so much better than anything we could imagine? Sometimes the way may be rough for a while - the best things rarely come easy, but they are oh, so worth it!

Adoption is not second best, or a sub par way to become a family. It obviously wasn't our first choice. Infertility was our "closed door" so to speak. And we feel that God has shown us the "open door" of adoption. So many times we get the comment "Now that you are adopting, you'll get pregnant."  Usually I just kind of smile and nod. Yup. I've heard it before.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we ARE expecting. No, my tummy won't be growing. (At least it had better not... I don't need to gain anything...) ;) But our hearts grow larger each day. We are eager to share the love growing there with the child that will be ours - not by birth, but through the trust and love of birthparents and the miracle that is "Adoption."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
November is National Adoption month. I plan to do several posts about adoption, and my take on it. I'm not sure how many yet... I'll write as the inspiration strikes and I have several drafts already... ;) It won't be quite as structured as last year's posts. But please feel free to revisit last years posts if you have questions on what adoption will look like for us. You can find them in our "Adoption Journey" tab a the top of the blog.

Finished Object Friday: Wreath Makeover (And Fall Home tour!)

It seems strange to already be almost halfway through September doesn't it? And yet this is only the second Friday in the month... I had to double check to be sure! So yes, today is Finished Object Friday!! :)

I've been doing a bit of crafting here and there... but one of my easiest projects was one that was half done already! You may remember the patriotic wreath that Angie and I made for summer. And you may remember that each of those fabric flowers was attached to the wreath on a small hair clip. This made for really easy removal and the wreath was quickly ready for a makeover for fall!

Such a quick little project!! I just added a few little things from my fall decor stash, whipped together a pretty bow, and the wreath was good to go!!

Speaking of quick, I pretty much all of my fall decorating done in one afternoon! Here's a peek at some of my other decor!

Fall Mantle:

I have enjoyed having a piano to decorate:

Here's a couple of closeups of the vignettes on the piano:



I love featuring this Bible in my decorating. It reminds me of my grandpa - a dear saint! and also of the sacrifices that our soldiers make to protect our country!

A sweet story about my grandpa. Grandpa passed away in 1996 - it will be 16 years ago at the end of this month - so hard to believe. The week before he died, he and my grandmother came to visit. We had a wonderful weekend with them doing all kinds of fun things. I was taking horse back riding lessons at the time and they got to come see me ride. On Saturday, we spent some time at our local county fair. My grandpa was wheelchair bound because of a problem with his leg. A lady came up to him and told him "I can see God all over you!" Little did she know he was just about a week from Heaven.

This is one of my very favorite pictures:

That is my dad with my grandpa and me... they are rolling hot tamales - a family tradition (and secret recipe...) ;) I'm doing what is still my favorite thing - snitching before they are rolled!! ;)

Well... I didn't mean for this to turn down memory lane! You never know where a post will lead! I hope you don't mind... But now that I'm finished rambling, it's your turn! Maybe you've been doing some fall crafting... OR feel free to link up to your fall decorating! I'd love to see!!

The Perfect Christmas

Each year I wish for the "Perfect Christmas." I'm not sure what that would be. Although I do have a good idea...


As a little girl, I'm sure my perfect Christmas was probably defined by getting just the right toy. As I got older, of course, the definition has changed a bit. I remember the first Christmas after we were married. Buying our tree, hanging ornaments we both had collected through the years. (We both were given ornaments each year as we grew up, so our tree was pretty full our first year! I always think how special it is that Mark and I both grew up with this tradition!)

Our First Christmas Together - 2005

Every year after that first Christmas together, I think that my "Perfect Christmas" will maybe come "next year." Because, of course, "next year" there wouldn't be just the two of us. Certainly by "next year" there would be at least three. But all those "next years" have come and gone. Some have been harder than others. I remember after that first year or so, thinking that there was no way I could stand it for five years like some people - missing that little person that wasn't there, or never came to be. But here we are. And again I think "next year."


But then, we have come so far "this year." There is a small matter of a home study to finish.... then a little more paperwork. But maybe "next year." Maybe even now our little one's heart is beating. God knows where he (or she!) might be. Maybe our "next year" will be "the year." "The year" of the perfect Christmas.

But.

Maybe it won't.


I guess, really, we aren't ever promised a perfect Christmas. Of course the First Christmas was brought about by a very special birth. But that certainly wasn't the perfect Christmas either. A stable. Hay. Just a few shepherd visitors. Then later fleeing to save a life. No. I guess really, there never has been a perfect Christmas. Not for everyone. But someday there will be. When all things are put to right.


So when I think about my "Perfect Christmas" and all that I want it to be - for me - I start thinking about how it isn't just about me. Maybe the perfect Christmas isn't in what we have, but in what we give. What we share. Our homes. Our joy. HIS love.


So maybe this year can be the "Perfect Christmas" after all!

Our "Perfect Christmas" 2011

"What about...?" - Questions and Answers

Wow. It's hard to believe that November is drawing to a close! Thank you all for sticking with me as I share some of what we've learned about adoption! Anytime someone does something "different" there are always lots of questions! Adoption and adoption laws have changed a lot in the past 50 years. 

(These first two questions are from a dear friend, Susette.)
"Hey, I read your article about "open adoption" and it is very good. I'm wondering if you are in an organization that is primarily Christian. Does this birth mother "want" a Christian family to take her child?

Choosing the agency was probably one of the most difficult decisions we have made in regards to adoption - there are so many wonderful agencies! After much prayer, we decided to go with Buckner Children and Family Services. One of the things that drew us to Buckner was the fact that they have been around for a long time (founded in 1879) and have a lot of experience in adoption.

Cabin where Dr. R. C. Buckner (founder of Buckner) was born.

Buckner is a Christian agency, so when a birth mother contacts them, usually it is with the desire for her child to be raised by a Christian family. If it isn't her primary reason, she is certainly made aware that the prospective adoptive parents she will consider will be raising that child in an Christian home.

I guess I am wondering if the birth mother can tell you that she doesn't like the way you are raising her child and make demands of you that would go contrary to your convictions.

After the birth parents relinquish their rights (after a 48 hr. waiting period after the birth for the birth mother and up to 30 correction: 31 days for the birth father), we become the ones making parenting choices for the baby. After the finalization (usually at 6 months) we will no longer be under our agency's supervision. The child will then be legally our child, just as if it were our birth child. For example, if we were adopting an older child, we would not be able to use corporal punishment as a method for discipline until the adoption is final. Spanking wouldn't be necessary for the first 6 months of life anyway... :)


I get a lot of questions as to exactly when we will have our little one. Good question! :) Right now we are on "hold." In order to complete our home study, there are certain things that have to be done around the house. (Such as repairing a fence!) Mark has been taking two Master level courses this semester and his "handyman" time has been quite limited. Hopefully we will be ready for our next home study visit in a few weeks. Honestly, this has been a little frustrating for me. It seems like we hurry! hurry! only to have to wait some more. But then I remember that the timing has never been out of God's control. He has the right birthmother and child there for us, and we will meet up with them in His time, not our own. God isn't up in heaven saying "oops. they weren't ready for that one yet..." :)



Of course, we aren't entirely on hold. There are still things we can be working on - like the scrapbook style "picture profile" that birthmothers will see when selecting an adoptive family. Oh, and of course the fun of designing a nursery - I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to that! :)


Thank you, once again, for all of your encouragement! Your support means so much, and will continue to mean so much to us as we continue down our adoption journey. We never know just what the future holds, but we do know Who holds the future. His plans are always to give us a "hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

A Heart Full of Thanks

Each holiday is so full of expectation for me - especially at this time of the year. I hope for a picture-perfect holiday. But sometimes the picture doesn't look exactly like we had imagined it. I know we're not the only ones whose holiday isn't quite what they thought it would be. But that doesn't mean we don't celebrate, because we have so much to be thankful for!

Early this year I read the book 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Her challenge to herself was to chronicle 1,000 things that she is thankful for. She kept a notebook nearby to write things down as she thought of them. I have been keeping my own list - though it is still quite short (I'm up to 83!) But I wanted to share some of the things I have been thankful for through this year.

1. God's Salvation plan for me
2. The mockingbird song in the night
11. A little girl excited to be knitting

18. Restful sleep
19. Yellow chair

 

20. Quiet mornings with God

29. Friday Shopping

31. My Piano!

48. Air Conditioning

68. The joy of spending time with family

69. Cornhole!

75. A hard working husband!

I'm also thankful for all of you!! Thank you for your support to us in the past year! Thank you for taking time to read my little blog and for coming on our adoption journey with us! Many blessings!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What will be different? (Life after baby comes)

This is quite a tricky post to write, because we certainly are not at this stage yet! (Hopefully soon, though!) After we come home with our little one, what happens then? And what happens before then? How will parenting an adopted child be different? Of course, I can only go by what we have learned. But our teachers have had years of experience in adoptions, so I know they know.. :)

Once we are done with our homestudy and more paperwork we will be "in the book" - meaning that our picture profile will be shown to prospective birth parents whose wishes for an adoptive family will be compatible with us (and vice versa). Then comes the waiting... we could get a call a week or two after being in the book or it could be a year or two. (This will be a hard waiting time for us!!) Finally a phone call!! It could be that the birth mother has picked us out of the book and we will have meetings with her before the birth of the baby. OR it could be the social worker saying that there is a baby at the hospital that, for whatever reason, the birth mother has chosen not to parent. As you can see, once we are "in the book" we need to be ready for anything! :)


So after the baby is born, what? (you ask...) :) State laws require that the birth mother wait 48 hours before signing a relinquishment. After that, and other paperwork for us, we will most likely have an entrustment ceremony (more about that here). Then we come home with our new little one!

Life with a newborn for us won't be much different than for any other new parents. Obviously, I won't be recovering from birth, but we will probably be rather quiet for a few days or weeks. Mark and I will be taking this special time to bond with our new little one. Most parents have nine months in which to bond with their baby, but we will have just met! 

Don't be surprised if we are not too willing to share "holding rights." And if you are holding our little one and he (or she) starts to fuss, don't be surprised as we reach for him. Many first time parents aren't too willing to share anyway, but we have a double reason. We need our baby to learn to need us. We need to establish with our little one that we will be there for him and we will meet his needs. (You can read a bit more about bonding and attachment here.) So for the first several weeks we will be pretty exclusive. (Sorry, Grandma's!) :)  And I will be a baby wearing mama - one of these is pretty high on my to-get list! :) (update: I have it! and I've already tried it out on a friend's baby - works great!) :)

 There is also a process of grief in an adoption. We may experience some grief for the birth mother who is going though grief of her own. In our happiness to have our child, we won't easily forget what she has lost - that constant presence, care, and love of the child she carried.

At about six months, the adoption should be finalized in court. At this point our child will be officially our child in the eyes of the law. Until then they are under the guardianship of our adoption agency, and we are the caregivers. (A little more on this in next week's post.)

As we raise our child, we will be making sure that he knows his story. One adoptive mother did a picture scrapbook for her little boy that told (in simple language) his story. I love this idea and plan on doing it for our child. I firmly believe that it is important for our child to know his background. Adoption won't be a secret from him. In time, he may go through his own time of grieving, but this is normal. We will support him and love him as he matures into the knowledge of who he is and understands his unique story. (more on a child's understanding of adoption here.)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whew! I think that was the longest post yet! Thanks for hanging with me! There is a lot of ground to cover, and I'm afraid I just barely skimmed the surface. There is so much more even I don't know yet!! (I feel rather ill-equipped to write these posts, but maybe you've learned some from the little I know.) This just about wraps up my special adoption posts. One more Tuesday in November - I'll be answering questions so please don't hesitate to ask me! :)

What to say.... redefining terms in adoption

Source

Sometimes the way things have always been said isn't the best way of putting things. Ever thought about the prayer kids say before bed sometimes... "If I die before I wake..." Wow. how comforting is that? :) The same goes with some of our adoption terminology. Some things we say without even thinking about it, and defining these terms may come across as being "politically correct," but when you hear things through the filter of the adopted child it sounds a little different.

One of the focuses in our training has been to use "Positive Adoption Language." Positive language uses terms such as "Birthparent" or "Biological Parent" instead of "Real Parent" or "Natural Parent." Saying a child "was adopted" is much more positive than defining that child as an adopted child. Our child will be our child - adoption was just the way they came to be in our family.  Instead of saying that the birthmother decided not to "keep" a child, the birthmother has "chosen an adoption plan for her child" or "chosen not to parent." (Personally, I think each birthmother does keep her child - through the love for him in her heart.)


Many well meaning people may ask, without realizing it, something that comes across very hurtful. Such as: "Why didn't their real parents keep them?" This is one that first comes to mind. First of all, it's not a question that needs to be asked, no matter how you phrase it. An adopted child's story is just that - his story. We as a family may choose to share certain bits of information based on our circumstances, but many of the particulars aren't something that will be made public.

As a potential adoptive parent, one of the most frustrating statements for me is "Now that you're adopting, you'll get pregnant." Because everyone knows someone who knows someone... Ouch. Well, it doesn't always happen that way. If you've said this to me, no I'm not mad at you. You certainly haven't been the only one. :) It's just one of those statements people don't really thing about. It's kind of like asking a couple dealing with infertility when they are going to start having kids. (Yep. Got that one too...) :)


I certainly can't cover every potentially hurtful thing that some well meaning person might say to me or my child. And I'm certainly not super thin skinned to take offense any time something like this comes up. I hope to train my own children to understand that uninformed remarks, aren't necessarily intended to be painful.

Thank you for taking time to read my posts on adoption. I have enjoyed hearing from many of you! If you are interested in reading more about this topic there are a couple of online articles I recommend: Adoption: What Helps and What Doesn't, and the last page of this adoption guide from Bethany Christian Services (pdf file). And please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions! I will try to reply as quickly as I can, and with your permission, will use those for my last posts in this series.

Who are these people? (about birth parents)

This is the second of my series of posts on adoption, especially as it relates to our family's story. My first post last week is "What do you mean 'Open' Adoption?."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This has been the post I have put the most thought into writing for this series. One of the main reasons, probably, is that I am currently reading the book Life Givers by James L. Gritter. (Required reading from our agency.) :) We also focused on birth parents in our recent seminar - a "study" that helped me understand more of their griefs and losses.

Probably the most misunderstood people in the adoption equation are birth parents. Adopted children? They're the cute ones everyone wants to cuddle and love on! Adoptive parents? They are the "wonderful" people to take the "poor child" in. (insert tongue in cheek...) But when it comes to birth parents (especially birth mothers), many times, the thought is "How could a mother just give away her child?"

I could go on and on about what people usually think of birth parents, but I won't. Many times the decision to allow another couple to parent their birth child is a very hard choice. Yes, they've made mistakes in their life. (haven't we all?) But in the decision to place for adoption, these people are trying to give to their child that they can't give themselves - usually a stable home with a loving mommy and daddy.

Who are these birth parents? Society has cast a negative light on them, and, I think, driven them into hiding. I believe that birth parents are people of high values.They value: life (from the beginning), fatherhood, independence, selflessness, and stability. (from Life Givers pp. 19-22) They are possibly people you meet every day - at the store, in a school. They may be teachers or nurses.

They are a people of hard-core love. Gritter puts it this way:

I do believe adoption can be a loving choice, but I am convinced this kind of love is not soft and cute. It's an awful form of love, a tough, tearful, costly version of love that rattles a person's core...Does it ever make sense to say, "I love you so much that I must step away from you?" The idea seems odd to us because we usually see love as a force that brings people together.... [pg. 33]

There is no way I can get all my thoughts into one post! I guess my challenge to you, the reader is mostly this - bottom line:  

Birth parents are people in crisis who need our love.

 

And to the birth parents of our child, you may one day read this post and wonder what exactly I had to say. I certainly don't understand it all yet, and I have never stood in your shoes. However, there are two things I want you to know, even now. I am praying for you. I love you! Even though we haven't yet met, I respect the decision you will someday be making and I cherish what you will be entrusting us with - raising the child whom you birthed. Thank you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of things I wanted to share:
I love Mark Schultz's song "Everything to Me." It is his "letter" to his own birth mother.

This is a beautiful adoption story below. (It's a poor quality video - but so good.) I hope you take the time to watch. It is from Gladney, an adoption agency in Texas (not the one we are with) and tells about their agency and home. Megan's story begins at about 1:00 into the clip.

What do you mean "Open" Adoption?

Happy November to you all!! As I mentioned, November is  National Adoption Month, and I am going to be doing a series of posts on adoption and what it will look like for our family.

(source)

Adoption is not a new concept. The idea of adoption goes way back to ancient times. What is a newer concept for most people to understand is that of "Open" adoption. Open adoption is a form of adoption in which both parties (birth family and adoptive family) have open communication with one another. In our case (most likely), the birth mother (and perhaps birth father as well) will select Mark and I to parent their child. We will meet the birth family in a "match meeting" and will have a few more meetings (as well as phone conversations, emails or texts) before the baby is born. This will be the groundwork of our ongoing relationship with them. Of course every circumstance is a bit different according to distance etc, but we plan to have continued contact as our child grows up.

Really, adoption is all about relationships. We, as adoptive parents, of course are wanting a relationship with a child. We want to raise this child the best we can, and help them to have a relationship with God and make it to heaven. In short, we want the best possible for our child.

Even though adoption is a wonderful thing, it is not a perfect thing. We still live in a fallen, broken world. As excited as we are to be adopting, Mark and I realize (even more after our recent seminar) that there are still pieces missing after an adoption. After all, that child will not be raised by the woman who brought him or her into this world. And that woman will miss the daily interactions with the child she delivered.

However. in an open adoption, some of those pieces will be in place. Our child will know where they came from and why they were placed with us (with age appropriate answers.) We will know something of their genetic makeup and history. They will know, for example, who's nose they have, or where they got their eye color. They will also have access to their family medical history. But most importantly, having an open adoption will help our child to understand that they are loved by all - birth parents and adoptive parents. We hope to help our child understand that the decisions around their birth were made out of love, sacrifice and the desire by all for the best life for him or her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am excited to share this journey with each of you! I hope that you enjoy these posts and that I can help you understand more what adoption is about. There really is no way to put over a year's worth of learning into a few posts. I welcome any questions you may have and will do my best to answer - in fact, I may dedicate a post to questions and answers... I don't have all the answers yet, but I am learning. Please feel free to ask!

Taking Steps

Last week, my husband stopped by our local agency office with a big folder of paperwork. This big first step is (almost) completed! It's so exciting to make progress on bringing our little one home! We are so ready to meet this little person and welcome him or her into our forever family.

(This isn't the folder we turned in... we didn't get a picture!!)

Mark posted this update on our Facebook:  "Just submitted formal adoption application plus accompanying paperwork (> 100 pages)! -Mark"

The outpouring of love on that post has been tremendous!! I can't help but feeling so blessed at the love and support from our friends and family!

Mark and I are so full of joy at this big step in bringing our child home. You might call it a "paper pregnancy." All parents go through a period of waiting for their children to arrive, and most arrivals take a different path. (Why else would there be so many "birth stories" on blogs?) :) God has shown us that this is our "birth story," that adoption is the way that He has chosen to build our family. At any time, He can change the path. He can lead us in a different path of adoption than we have chosen or he could chose to send us a biological child. That is up to Him. We are just walking in His path. Does that make us better people? Are we "super religious" for choosing adoption? I don't think so. Because we are, as each person should be, simply choosing to walk in the path that God has laid out for us.

When our path arrives at the place where we are meeting for the first time a little person who is to be ours, our path with that person is just beginning. I am excited about the baby years. I get pretty "gushy" when I see little tiny babies. But children running and playing makes me sentimental too, and so does the thought of an honorable young man or a lovely young lady - the person my child will (by God's grace) become.

Sing a song!

Children like to sing! No surprise there! And those of you who teach children (at home, church, or school) know that songs are one of the most effective ways that children learn.

Gracie singing and signing "Teach Me Your Way"

We use songs so much in our children's work at church. In fact, some of their songs of choice ARE scripture. They have learned more scripture than they would have learned just by rote memory. Our kiddos have learned the Ten Commandments by singing them. No, they haven't learned them the conventional way - but they know them and will remember them! In fact, it is one of their absolute favorite songs to sing! (and BOY does it get stuck in your head!!!) :)

They insisted we sing the 10 Commandments Song at VBS. I was glad to comply!

I am passionate about good music for children - especially Scripture songs. I love Steve Green's albums for kids, as well as the Teach Me Your Way albums from Homestead Heritage.

More recently, however, I have discovered Seeds Family Worship. These albums put a more "modern" twist on Scripture songs, and they aren't just for children. They really are geared for the whole family.

Here's a peek at one of my favorite songs:


That's not the end of this post though... I would like to give a Seeds of Faith cd to two of my readers. If you would enjoy this music, just leave a comment and include the words "ENTER ME" in it. That's it! :) I will pick the winners next Tuesday! :)

Also, I'd love to hear about some of your favorite teaching songs! How has music helped you learn?
~~~~~~
PS~ This is not a promo. Seeds Family Worship doesn't even know I exist. I just like their songs, got a good deal and wanted to share!! The cd I bought for the give-a-way actually comes with two identical cds. So I am splitting up the packet to send one to two different people. :)

A List

Foseball.
and Laughter.
Bible stories.
Hot Tamales.
Prayer.
and Laughter.
Stick shift lessons.
Target practice.
and more laughter.

What do all these things have in common? These few (and many more) are some of the things I remember doing with my dad and some of them I STILL do with my dad!

Thanks, Dad, for being there. Thanks for the prayers and thanks for the laughter!! I love you!! Happy Father's Day!!

What makes a classic?

What makes a book a classic?

Is it because so many people are forced to read it, or is it because so many people simply LOVE it?

What do you think? What's your favorite classic?

Books and the New Year

There are so many good books to read, and I'm not even sure where to start! :)  I used to be quite an avid reader - and still am by most standards - but I don't read as much as I did before becoming a housewife and the advent of computers! :) 

I thought I would keep track of all the books I read this year... well, the ones I'm reading for the first time anyway! :) I want to remember what books that I am planning to read as well! :) I want to read a mix of works, Christian fiction, classics, and non fiction. I thought it would be interesting to see what all I read in 2011! You can keep up with what I"m reading on my new page at the top of the blog! I'll try to post comments with the ones I finish, so you can have an idea of whether you want to read them or not. :)