Who are these people? (about birth parents)

This is the second of my series of posts on adoption, especially as it relates to our family's story. My first post last week is "What do you mean 'Open' Adoption?."

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This has been the post I have put the most thought into writing for this series. One of the main reasons, probably, is that I am currently reading the book Life Givers by James L. Gritter. (Required reading from our agency.) :) We also focused on birth parents in our recent seminar - a "study" that helped me understand more of their griefs and losses.

Probably the most misunderstood people in the adoption equation are birth parents. Adopted children? They're the cute ones everyone wants to cuddle and love on! Adoptive parents? They are the "wonderful" people to take the "poor child" in. (insert tongue in cheek...) But when it comes to birth parents (especially birth mothers), many times, the thought is "How could a mother just give away her child?"

I could go on and on about what people usually think of birth parents, but I won't. Many times the decision to allow another couple to parent their birth child is a very hard choice. Yes, they've made mistakes in their life. (haven't we all?) But in the decision to place for adoption, these people are trying to give to their child that they can't give themselves - usually a stable home with a loving mommy and daddy.

Who are these birth parents? Society has cast a negative light on them, and, I think, driven them into hiding. I believe that birth parents are people of high values.They value: life (from the beginning), fatherhood, independence, selflessness, and stability. (from Life Givers pp. 19-22) They are possibly people you meet every day - at the store, in a school. They may be teachers or nurses.

They are a people of hard-core love. Gritter puts it this way:

I do believe adoption can be a loving choice, but I am convinced this kind of love is not soft and cute. It's an awful form of love, a tough, tearful, costly version of love that rattles a person's core...Does it ever make sense to say, "I love you so much that I must step away from you?" The idea seems odd to us because we usually see love as a force that brings people together.... [pg. 33]

There is no way I can get all my thoughts into one post! I guess my challenge to you, the reader is mostly this - bottom line:  

Birth parents are people in crisis who need our love.

 

And to the birth parents of our child, you may one day read this post and wonder what exactly I had to say. I certainly don't understand it all yet, and I have never stood in your shoes. However, there are two things I want you to know, even now. I am praying for you. I love you! Even though we haven't yet met, I respect the decision you will someday be making and I cherish what you will be entrusting us with - raising the child whom you birthed. Thank you!

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A couple of things I wanted to share:
I love Mark Schultz's song "Everything to Me." It is his "letter" to his own birth mother.

This is a beautiful adoption story below. (It's a poor quality video - but so good.) I hope you take the time to watch. It is from Gladney, an adoption agency in Texas (not the one we are with) and tells about their agency and home. Megan's story begins at about 1:00 into the clip.