December Daily - Day 1

It's hard to believe it's December already!! I've just about finished my Christmas decorating!

I have to say... this is my favorite tree at my house!! :) I got it put up (finally) yesterday, and it just tickles me! ;) It is so fun in our family room!


The past couple of years I have had a lot of fun joining Melissa in a daily December picture. We have a lot of fun! Check out the advent banner she is doing with Miss Piper this year - so cute!! :)

"What about...?" - Questions and Answers

Wow. It's hard to believe that November is drawing to a close! Thank you all for sticking with me as I share some of what we've learned about adoption! Anytime someone does something "different" there are always lots of questions! Adoption and adoption laws have changed a lot in the past 50 years. 

(These first two questions are from a dear friend, Susette.)
"Hey, I read your article about "open adoption" and it is very good. I'm wondering if you are in an organization that is primarily Christian. Does this birth mother "want" a Christian family to take her child?

Choosing the agency was probably one of the most difficult decisions we have made in regards to adoption - there are so many wonderful agencies! After much prayer, we decided to go with Buckner Children and Family Services. One of the things that drew us to Buckner was the fact that they have been around for a long time (founded in 1879) and have a lot of experience in adoption.

Cabin where Dr. R. C. Buckner (founder of Buckner) was born.

Buckner is a Christian agency, so when a birth mother contacts them, usually it is with the desire for her child to be raised by a Christian family. If it isn't her primary reason, she is certainly made aware that the prospective adoptive parents she will consider will be raising that child in an Christian home.

I guess I am wondering if the birth mother can tell you that she doesn't like the way you are raising her child and make demands of you that would go contrary to your convictions.

After the birth parents relinquish their rights (after a 48 hr. waiting period after the birth for the birth mother and up to 30 correction: 31 days for the birth father), we become the ones making parenting choices for the baby. After the finalization (usually at 6 months) we will no longer be under our agency's supervision. The child will then be legally our child, just as if it were our birth child. For example, if we were adopting an older child, we would not be able to use corporal punishment as a method for discipline until the adoption is final. Spanking wouldn't be necessary for the first 6 months of life anyway... :)


I get a lot of questions as to exactly when we will have our little one. Good question! :) Right now we are on "hold." In order to complete our home study, there are certain things that have to be done around the house. (Such as repairing a fence!) Mark has been taking two Master level courses this semester and his "handyman" time has been quite limited. Hopefully we will be ready for our next home study visit in a few weeks. Honestly, this has been a little frustrating for me. It seems like we hurry! hurry! only to have to wait some more. But then I remember that the timing has never been out of God's control. He has the right birthmother and child there for us, and we will meet up with them in His time, not our own. God isn't up in heaven saying "oops. they weren't ready for that one yet..." :)



Of course, we aren't entirely on hold. There are still things we can be working on - like the scrapbook style "picture profile" that birthmothers will see when selecting an adoptive family. Oh, and of course the fun of designing a nursery - I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to that! :)


Thank you, once again, for all of your encouragement! Your support means so much, and will continue to mean so much to us as we continue down our adoption journey. We never know just what the future holds, but we do know Who holds the future. His plans are always to give us a "hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

A Heart Full of Thanks

Each holiday is so full of expectation for me - especially at this time of the year. I hope for a picture-perfect holiday. But sometimes the picture doesn't look exactly like we had imagined it. I know we're not the only ones whose holiday isn't quite what they thought it would be. But that doesn't mean we don't celebrate, because we have so much to be thankful for!

Early this year I read the book 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Her challenge to herself was to chronicle 1,000 things that she is thankful for. She kept a notebook nearby to write things down as she thought of them. I have been keeping my own list - though it is still quite short (I'm up to 83!) But I wanted to share some of the things I have been thankful for through this year.

1. God's Salvation plan for me
2. The mockingbird song in the night
11. A little girl excited to be knitting

18. Restful sleep
19. Yellow chair

 

20. Quiet mornings with God

29. Friday Shopping

31. My Piano!

48. Air Conditioning

68. The joy of spending time with family

69. Cornhole!

75. A hard working husband!

I'm also thankful for all of you!! Thank you for your support to us in the past year! Thank you for taking time to read my little blog and for coming on our adoption journey with us! Many blessings!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What will be different? (Life after baby comes)

This is quite a tricky post to write, because we certainly are not at this stage yet! (Hopefully soon, though!) After we come home with our little one, what happens then? And what happens before then? How will parenting an adopted child be different? Of course, I can only go by what we have learned. But our teachers have had years of experience in adoptions, so I know they know.. :)

Once we are done with our homestudy and more paperwork we will be "in the book" - meaning that our picture profile will be shown to prospective birth parents whose wishes for an adoptive family will be compatible with us (and vice versa). Then comes the waiting... we could get a call a week or two after being in the book or it could be a year or two. (This will be a hard waiting time for us!!) Finally a phone call!! It could be that the birth mother has picked us out of the book and we will have meetings with her before the birth of the baby. OR it could be the social worker saying that there is a baby at the hospital that, for whatever reason, the birth mother has chosen not to parent. As you can see, once we are "in the book" we need to be ready for anything! :)


So after the baby is born, what? (you ask...) :) State laws require that the birth mother wait 48 hours before signing a relinquishment. After that, and other paperwork for us, we will most likely have an entrustment ceremony (more about that here). Then we come home with our new little one!

Life with a newborn for us won't be much different than for any other new parents. Obviously, I won't be recovering from birth, but we will probably be rather quiet for a few days or weeks. Mark and I will be taking this special time to bond with our new little one. Most parents have nine months in which to bond with their baby, but we will have just met! 

Don't be surprised if we are not too willing to share "holding rights." And if you are holding our little one and he (or she) starts to fuss, don't be surprised as we reach for him. Many first time parents aren't too willing to share anyway, but we have a double reason. We need our baby to learn to need us. We need to establish with our little one that we will be there for him and we will meet his needs. (You can read a bit more about bonding and attachment here.) So for the first several weeks we will be pretty exclusive. (Sorry, Grandma's!) :)  And I will be a baby wearing mama - one of these is pretty high on my to-get list! :) (update: I have it! and I've already tried it out on a friend's baby - works great!) :)

 There is also a process of grief in an adoption. We may experience some grief for the birth mother who is going though grief of her own. In our happiness to have our child, we won't easily forget what she has lost - that constant presence, care, and love of the child she carried.

At about six months, the adoption should be finalized in court. At this point our child will be officially our child in the eyes of the law. Until then they are under the guardianship of our adoption agency, and we are the caregivers. (A little more on this in next week's post.)

As we raise our child, we will be making sure that he knows his story. One adoptive mother did a picture scrapbook for her little boy that told (in simple language) his story. I love this idea and plan on doing it for our child. I firmly believe that it is important for our child to know his background. Adoption won't be a secret from him. In time, he may go through his own time of grieving, but this is normal. We will support him and love him as he matures into the knowledge of who he is and understands his unique story. (more on a child's understanding of adoption here.)


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Whew! I think that was the longest post yet! Thanks for hanging with me! There is a lot of ground to cover, and I'm afraid I just barely skimmed the surface. There is so much more even I don't know yet!! (I feel rather ill-equipped to write these posts, but maybe you've learned some from the little I know.) This just about wraps up my special adoption posts. One more Tuesday in November - I'll be answering questions so please don't hesitate to ask me! :)

Book Review - This Little Prayer of Mine

(Just one more review.. and yes, I did get a little behind, but I do enjoy reviewing books!) :)

This Little Prayer of Mine is a quick little picture book to read to little ones. I love how it brings across important truths, like God comforting us when we are frightened and giving us wisdom to make good choices. I liked that, even with all the big ideas of what to do when they grow up, that they can trust God's plan. Although, I think that our goals in life and our goals for our children should have more to do with serving God and others than just fame or fortune. Why don't they want to do missions work or work to save lives rather than be a rock star or president? I also wasn't too impressed with the last page, though "Please love me, God forevermore...." He already does that without our asking.

Cute book with fun colorful illustrations. Not a lot of depth, but a fun read. I like the rhyming, especially for little ones.


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Thanks to Blogging for Books (WaterBrook Press) for this review copy. Opinions are my own. Please take just a second to rate my review in the box below. Thank you! :)